I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
