just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
