I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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