Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
