why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize