So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
