Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
