Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
