and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ruined the universe
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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