I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize