So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
