What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize