Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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