Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
