I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
