I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
