I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
