hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
