Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
