Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You left your phone here
Wait...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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