I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize