i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
