It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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