I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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