she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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