Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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