accomplished twins. life is a go
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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