So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
