don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
