is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
