why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize