You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
