Barsexuality is the new black.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
