So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
