I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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