I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
