ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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