is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
