I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize