I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
