The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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