I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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