Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
