I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
