I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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