you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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