Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
