remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
