you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
