I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
did i just pee glitter
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
