genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
