You made me cry and you don't even care
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
