tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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