i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
