It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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