My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
