What a fucking waste of an outfit
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
