OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
