there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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