dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
