who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
