I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
