Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
