That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I AM VODKA MAN
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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