Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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