I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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