I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
