Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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