just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
