weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
