I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
