My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
