The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize