Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
