I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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