why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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