But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
